Obsolutely Shocking!

[Fallout]

The lack of any humour in this place is simply shocking beyond belief. It would seem years of AA and watching too much Coronatin Street has eroded your funny bones. Where are all the would be comedians?

[Ends message here before others complain that this message is as unentertaining as the rest of them. Awaits for compulsory flaming that awaits anyone who questions the natives of the AA forum.]

[Lucage]

/stands up on stage

Two men walk into a bar.... second one should have seen it

/runs off stage before rotten fruit is thrown

[Fallout]

Marvellous, another joke stolen from the book of '1000 Jokes guaranteed to lose you friends fast'. Terrific. I salute your bravely by refusing to quote a joke from that book myself.

[Lucage]

ok ill have a second attempt

/stands on stage

Fallout getting a kill

/Crowd busts out Laughing

[Fallout]

Hoho.

Here's another one,

Lucas leaving the arena with only 16 of his 20 pairs of pants soiled. Must have been a good night for you.

[Fallout]

That wasn't funny... that was just pointing out a fact. However, I hope you're not an atheist. It would be a shame that after I kill you and you're buried, that you'd be all dressed up with nowhere to go.

[Fallout]

What's more shocking is that I've spelt 'Absolutely Shocking' incorrectly and you still couldn't pick up on that. Geezus. Talk about sloooooooooooooooow. :E

(PS Don't you find that a :E justifies most offensive messages? I hope so anyway)

[fissil]

crappy jokes here get your crappy jokes here!!
slips on the fruit already thrown on stage /

looks as dignified as anyone covered in fruit can thats not at a carnival/

speedily gets his old chestnut ready/

whats the connection between a fat girl and a moped

theyre both a great ride till your mates see you on one

run for cover quickly/
exit stage right

[Marky B]

try the C&I board, if you think your hard enuff

[[ShK]bluetit]

/ gets back up on the stage picks up rotton fruit and says some ppl could have used melon gezzzzz/

Anyway u can't use the shockers trade mark we are the only absolutly shocking thing in aa:):O :-)

[fissil]

marky b i'm new to the forums so i'm pleading ignorance
whats the c+i forums then m8:)

[Gatecrasher]

[Edited by Gatecrasher on 18-02-2001 at 01:38 PM]

[Kenny!!!]

C+I board dosnt really exist, its all one of marky's little dreams where he can can take the piss out of peeps, but it never works, even in the dreams he gets the piss riped out of him ;)

hehe, only messin marky! :E

[stonecold]

Enter stage right/

Does anybody know the difference between a buffalo and a bisson?

<eager anticipation ensues>

You can't wash your hands in a buffalo...

Exit stage left, apologising to all that know me and my 1 joke act/
LOL

[Pete107uk]

/crawls under stage and plants C2 explosive so no one else will dare come up to tell shocking jokes/

/anounces over loud speaker/

What is the difference between putting your hand down Pamela Anderson's bra and sitting in a Skoda:

You fell a real tit in a Skoda.




( Before anyone points this out i'll say it myself:
Pamela Anderson has got rid of the implants and Skodas are good quality cars)

/runs out of technical box before anyone sees who's told the joke/

[freedom fighter]

Legs it onto stage(defuses c2 by urinating on it)

cough..cough..

A SEAL WALKS INTO A CLUB..

deadly silence,

Gets pounded unconcious by animal activists

[ThePants999]

LOL

[Steel]

"A man walks into a bar and says ouch" It was a irion bar!

:dodges the fruit and grenades and maybe some darts and knifes:

[Fallout]

Pitiful. I don't think Steel will walk away live from that one.

:dead:

[TKFMGold]

All this talk about throwing fruit made me think of an incident i was told about at Blackpool FC (me local football team)

Once a forward missed a sitter......someone threw an apple at him......so he picked it up and ate it.
Well u said you wanted comedy. <cough> :)

[Fallout]

Comedy. Not stupidity or the feeding of starved footballers. Still it will do.

[[ShK]bluetit]

/ gets up on stage looks about making sure there r plenty of starved footballers on the stage to take the fruit/

one night a burglar is trying to break into a house. He's sneaking across the lawn when he hears
a voice - "Jesus is watching you!"
He jumps, turns around, but he doesn't see anything. So he starts creeping across the lawn again.
"Jesus is watching you!"
He hears it again. So now the burglar is really worried, and he sees a parrot in
a cage by the side of the house. He says to the parrot, "Did you say that?"
The parrot answers "Yes I did."
So the burglar says , "What's your name?"
The parrot says "Clarence."
The burglar says "What kind of stupid idiot would name his parrot Clarence?"
The parrot laughs and says, "The same stupid idiot that named his Rottweiler 'Jesus' "
/runs off stage quickly

[freedom fighter]

Chases bluetit off stage with a big stick and fends off animal activists with a seal on a BIGGER stick.

LOOKS AROUND

Cough Cough

An elderly gentleman on holiday in the USA with his elderly hard of hearing wife,he pulls up at a garage and asks the attendant to fill his car up with petrol
The attendant says"no proplem sir,but we call it gas here"
WOT DID HE SAY..asks the old woman
He said they call petrol gas here

Have a look under the bonnet would you and check the oil says the elderly gentlman.
no problem says the attendant but we call it a hood here
WOT DID HE SAY...asks the old woman
He said they call the bonnet the hood here

While im here asks the elderly gentleman could you check the air in my spare tyre,its in the boot.
no problem says the attendant but we call it a trunk here
WOT DID HE SAY...asks the old woman
He said they call it a trunk here!!

You know said the attendant,i was in England once,i was based at an airfield when i served there during the war...
AND I HAD THE WORST SHAG OF MY LIFE!!!...

WOT DID HE SAY...asks the old woman

And the elderly gentleman say...HE SAYS HE THINKS HE KNOWS YOU!!!:)

Deadly silence apart from the sound of a tumble weed wooshing past the stage..


freedom exits very swiftly thinking his comedy career is over>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>:(

[Hine]

3 mothers to be are sitting in a doctors office, all knitting an item of clothing for their newborn. The first mother stops, puts her knitting down and takes a pill.
"what was that the others ask?"
"Iron, because i want my baby to grow up to be big and strong."
So again they carry on knitting. Then the second mother puts her knitting down and takes a pill.
"what was that?" the other's ask.
"Calcium, because i want my baby to have strong and healthy bones."
So suitably pleased they all carry on knitting. Finally the third one, seemingly in a fit of rage, throws her knitting on the floor and takes a pill."
Quite worried the others ask
"What was that?"
"thalidomide, I just cant get the hang of these sleeve's"


now if that dont get me banned i dont know what will

[cruncher]

save your fruit and save it for your tv screens on
thursday, as this is told by barry from eastenders.
A guy walks in to a pub with his pet newt on his
shoulder and orders a pint for himself and a coke for
his pet newt tiny. the barman looks at him and asks why
he calls him tiny the guy replies because he mynewt. boom
boom.:)