JackG2
06-06-2001, 15:00
PLASTERED AWAY
(A UPS truck is driving down a dusty road to a farm. It stops as soon as it gets to the farm doors. At the doors, Lee Lee is working on a piece of metal with a flamethrower.)
(The UPS man steps out of the truck.)
UPS guy: Ms. Lee Lee?
(She stops messing with the flamethrower.)
Lee Lee: What?
UPS guy: We have a letter for you. We got it here as fast as we could.
(Lee Lee looks at the date of the letter, and it says, "due on May 11th, 2001".)
Lee Lee: This was due a month ago.
UPS guy: (tipping his hat) We do are best.
(Lee Lee looks at the letter and reads. Then she looks up in shock.)
Lee Lee: He's alive!!
(The UPS guy, seeing here excited thinks that she's psycho.)
UPS guy: Ma'm, please don't hurt me.
Lee Lee: Don't you get it, you simple-minded pimple faced geek?! Dogsdinner's alive!!!
UPS man: Pimple faced I am not. Simple minded I am.
Lee Lee: Quick! I need a ride to the city!!
UPS man: Ma'm, that is way off my normal route, and I....
Lee Lee: (raising a fist) Do you want to live long enough to lose your virginty?
UPS guy: To my truck!
(3 hours later, the UPS truck makes it to Dogsdinner's apartment complex.)
(Inside the apartment complex, the doorbell rings, and Ali goes to answer it. But while doing so, he is turned to talk to another party guest.)
Ali: Hey! Don't touch that! It's priceless!
(As Ali opens the door, we hear a crash in the background followed by a "sorry".)
Ali: What do you want?
(Lee Lee stands at the door.)
Lee Lee: Where's Dogsdinner?!
Ali: He's over there.
(Ali points to Dogsdinner sitting in a hot tub with two sexy women.)
Dogsdinner: Well, ladies, there's a reason the water's yellow....
(Lee Lee walks over to Dogsdinner.)
Lee Lee: Dosdinner! Your back!
Dogsdinner: I've been back for a month. Where have you been.
Lee Lee: Well, I got the word a little bit late!
(She gleers over at the UPS guy who is cowering in the corner of the aapartment.)
(She turns back to Dosdinnner.)
Lee Lee: But what happened? We thought you died in that plane crash!
Dogsdinner: Well, I'll tell you what happened....
"It started on May 5th. I was coming home from South Carolina, America, since JackG2 needed a witness to prove that he didn't kill that one guy. Then it happened!"
(In the flashback, we see Dogsdinner sitting in a chair on the plane. It is storming out the window he's next to. And then the intercom comes on.)
Pilot on intercom: <crack> Uhh..... Attention people, uhh... We forgot to put enough fuel in the plane.
Dogsdinner: (to the intercom) Is that bad?
Piolt on intercom: Uhh.... it's bad for you passengers... uhh.. me and my co-pilot are ditching you. We're leaving in the only two parchutes on the plane. Bye. Uhh.... good luck.
(Later, Dogsdinner looks out the window and sees the piolts jumping out, but the piolts don't pay attention, and are sucked into the propellers on the plane and are chopped into little bloody bits which in turn, the guts stop up the engines, and causes the plane to go hurdling into the sea, with a big expensive exploshin I can't afford, and Dogsdinner coming out of the water with a life boat he managed to find before the plane crashed. And he is the only survivor. He soon floats to a small island that is a pool's worth of water in between a beach in England and the island he is on. But he doesn't swim over there because if he did, this story would be a bit too short.)
(Day 1, May 6th.)
(Dogsdinner sits against the only tree on the 3ft island. Then, a one of the two only coconuts falls to the ground behind Dogsdinner. Dogsdinner gets up startled.)
Dogsdinner: What's that noise?!!!
(He turns and picks up the coconut.)
Dogsdinner: A coconut? I guess I can call you co-co.... unless those damn copyrights on "Cast Away" change it.
(An hour later, Dogsdinner is sitting next to Co-Co on the ground.)
Dogsdinner: So... know any good jokes, Co-Co?
(The coconut sits there.)
Dogsdinner: Do you know where's some food?
(The coconut sits there.)
Dogsdinner: Do you even speak, Co-Co?
(The coconut just sits there.)
Dogsdinner: Well, so much for thinking he was a magical coconut..... Well, I got to find some food, Co-Co.
(A few hours later, Dogsdinner finally manages to crack open Co-Co, so he can drink from him.)
(After he finshes drinking Co-Co, he looks at the other half of him.)
Dogsdinner: Your death was not in vain, Co-Co. (burp!)
(That night.)
(Dogsdinner is laying next to the tree on the very small island.)
Dogsdinner: I'm still hungry. Maybe if I caught some fish.
(Later, Dogsdinner is an edge in the water from the island, in his underware, trying to grab a fish from the water. He finally manages to spot something, and he grabs it.)
(He pulls out a weird sea monster, and then gently put sit back with a strange look on his face.)
Dogsdinner: I'm not that hungry.
(Day 2, May 7th)
(Dogsdinner is sitting beside the tree again. A bread is starting to grow around his face.)
Dogsdinner: I've got to get some food! But where can I find food?
(Just then, the second coconut on the tree falls on Dogsdinner's head.)
(Dogsdinner runs from it saying..)
Dogsdinner: Agg!! Co-Co's brother has come for revenge!!
(The coconut justs sits on the ground.)
Dogsdinner: I didn't mean to kill your brother and I dont intend to harm you.
(An hour later, Dogsdinner cracks open the other coconut and drinks from it. Then he throws the halfs on the ground.)
Dogsdinner: You had a vailent death, Co-Co's brother.
(That night, Dogsdinner is laying next to the tree holding his stomach.)
Dogsdinner: Damn. I'm hungry! I can't live off coconut milk!
(Dogsdinner looks down at his shoe.)
Dogsdinner: MMM.... My shoe looks mighty tasty.
(He lifts his foot up and opens his mouth real wide.)
CHOMP!!!
Dogsdinner: MY FOOT!!!!
(Day 3, May 8th)
(A leaf is gone from the only tree on the island, and is wrapped around Dogsdinner's bleeding foot.)
(He now has a full grown beard.)
Dogsdinner: I think it's time I explore the rest of this island.
(Dogsdinner limps to the one end of the island in 3 steps.)
(The he turns around and limps to the other side in 3 steps.)
Dogsdinner: Okay, that's enough exploring today.
(Day 4, May 9th)
(Dogsdinner is once again leaning next to the tree.)
(His beard is bigger and hairier.)
Dogsdinner: Man! I am hungry! And why is my beard growing so fast?..... I've got to try and fish again.
(But just then, a body of a passenger from the plane floats to the island. Dogsdinner looks at it. Then looks at the sky and says...)
Dogsdinner: Thank you god.
(That night, Dogsdinner cooks the head of the body over a campfire made by the now cut down tree. Dogsdinner filled his stomach that night.)
(Day 5, May 10th)
( A little boy playing on the beach spots Dogsdinner on the island.)
Little Boy: Look, mommy! There's a man on the island!
Mother: My word.
(Back to the present day.)
Dogsdinner: When I came home, Ali said you moved out to a farm, because you thought I was dead.
Lee Lee: Well, I noticed I missed you.
Dogsdinner: So I guess that means you love me!
(Lee Lee takes a long stare at Dogsdinner.)
Lee Lee: Nope. I don't love you.
Dogsdinner: Awww.....
Lee Lee: But I like you as a friend.
Dogsdinner: Awww....
(That night, Dogsdinner is sitting next to a fireplace talking to Ali.)
Dogsdinner: I stayed on that island for 5 days and 6 nights. And all I thought of was..... cheesecake.
Ali: How did you live on without cheesecake?
Dogsdinner: I tired! Tried for 5 days. I had no control on that island. I couldn't even pick the desinger ware I wanted.
Ali: Horrible.
Dogsdinner: But I found one strength on that island. By thinking of poop.
Ali: Poop?
Dogsdinner: Yes! Waiting to go to the bathroom was what I thought of! And once I got off that godforsaken island, I pooped like hell!
Ali: I'm sure you did.
Dogsdinner: (beginging to cry) Co-Co....
Ali: Co-Co?
Dogsdinner: CO-CO!!!!!!!
(Then Dogsdinner breaks down and cries, in hopes of getting an oscor.)
T H E E N D!
(FOR NOW!)
Co-Co and his brother are a trademark production of JackHole productions
(A UPS truck is driving down a dusty road to a farm. It stops as soon as it gets to the farm doors. At the doors, Lee Lee is working on a piece of metal with a flamethrower.)
(The UPS man steps out of the truck.)
UPS guy: Ms. Lee Lee?
(She stops messing with the flamethrower.)
Lee Lee: What?
UPS guy: We have a letter for you. We got it here as fast as we could.
(Lee Lee looks at the date of the letter, and it says, "due on May 11th, 2001".)
Lee Lee: This was due a month ago.
UPS guy: (tipping his hat) We do are best.
(Lee Lee looks at the letter and reads. Then she looks up in shock.)
Lee Lee: He's alive!!
(The UPS guy, seeing here excited thinks that she's psycho.)
UPS guy: Ma'm, please don't hurt me.
Lee Lee: Don't you get it, you simple-minded pimple faced geek?! Dogsdinner's alive!!!
UPS man: Pimple faced I am not. Simple minded I am.
Lee Lee: Quick! I need a ride to the city!!
UPS man: Ma'm, that is way off my normal route, and I....
Lee Lee: (raising a fist) Do you want to live long enough to lose your virginty?
UPS guy: To my truck!
(3 hours later, the UPS truck makes it to Dogsdinner's apartment complex.)
(Inside the apartment complex, the doorbell rings, and Ali goes to answer it. But while doing so, he is turned to talk to another party guest.)
Ali: Hey! Don't touch that! It's priceless!
(As Ali opens the door, we hear a crash in the background followed by a "sorry".)
Ali: What do you want?
(Lee Lee stands at the door.)
Lee Lee: Where's Dogsdinner?!
Ali: He's over there.
(Ali points to Dogsdinner sitting in a hot tub with two sexy women.)
Dogsdinner: Well, ladies, there's a reason the water's yellow....
(Lee Lee walks over to Dogsdinner.)
Lee Lee: Dosdinner! Your back!
Dogsdinner: I've been back for a month. Where have you been.
Lee Lee: Well, I got the word a little bit late!
(She gleers over at the UPS guy who is cowering in the corner of the aapartment.)
(She turns back to Dosdinnner.)
Lee Lee: But what happened? We thought you died in that plane crash!
Dogsdinner: Well, I'll tell you what happened....
"It started on May 5th. I was coming home from South Carolina, America, since JackG2 needed a witness to prove that he didn't kill that one guy. Then it happened!"
(In the flashback, we see Dogsdinner sitting in a chair on the plane. It is storming out the window he's next to. And then the intercom comes on.)
Pilot on intercom: <crack> Uhh..... Attention people, uhh... We forgot to put enough fuel in the plane.
Dogsdinner: (to the intercom) Is that bad?
Piolt on intercom: Uhh.... it's bad for you passengers... uhh.. me and my co-pilot are ditching you. We're leaving in the only two parchutes on the plane. Bye. Uhh.... good luck.
(Later, Dogsdinner looks out the window and sees the piolts jumping out, but the piolts don't pay attention, and are sucked into the propellers on the plane and are chopped into little bloody bits which in turn, the guts stop up the engines, and causes the plane to go hurdling into the sea, with a big expensive exploshin I can't afford, and Dogsdinner coming out of the water with a life boat he managed to find before the plane crashed. And he is the only survivor. He soon floats to a small island that is a pool's worth of water in between a beach in England and the island he is on. But he doesn't swim over there because if he did, this story would be a bit too short.)
(Day 1, May 6th.)
(Dogsdinner sits against the only tree on the 3ft island. Then, a one of the two only coconuts falls to the ground behind Dogsdinner. Dogsdinner gets up startled.)
Dogsdinner: What's that noise?!!!
(He turns and picks up the coconut.)
Dogsdinner: A coconut? I guess I can call you co-co.... unless those damn copyrights on "Cast Away" change it.
(An hour later, Dogsdinner is sitting next to Co-Co on the ground.)
Dogsdinner: So... know any good jokes, Co-Co?
(The coconut sits there.)
Dogsdinner: Do you know where's some food?
(The coconut sits there.)
Dogsdinner: Do you even speak, Co-Co?
(The coconut just sits there.)
Dogsdinner: Well, so much for thinking he was a magical coconut..... Well, I got to find some food, Co-Co.
(A few hours later, Dogsdinner finally manages to crack open Co-Co, so he can drink from him.)
(After he finshes drinking Co-Co, he looks at the other half of him.)
Dogsdinner: Your death was not in vain, Co-Co. (burp!)
(That night.)
(Dogsdinner is laying next to the tree on the very small island.)
Dogsdinner: I'm still hungry. Maybe if I caught some fish.
(Later, Dogsdinner is an edge in the water from the island, in his underware, trying to grab a fish from the water. He finally manages to spot something, and he grabs it.)
(He pulls out a weird sea monster, and then gently put sit back with a strange look on his face.)
Dogsdinner: I'm not that hungry.
(Day 2, May 7th)
(Dogsdinner is sitting beside the tree again. A bread is starting to grow around his face.)
Dogsdinner: I've got to get some food! But where can I find food?
(Just then, the second coconut on the tree falls on Dogsdinner's head.)
(Dogsdinner runs from it saying..)
Dogsdinner: Agg!! Co-Co's brother has come for revenge!!
(The coconut justs sits on the ground.)
Dogsdinner: I didn't mean to kill your brother and I dont intend to harm you.
(An hour later, Dogsdinner cracks open the other coconut and drinks from it. Then he throws the halfs on the ground.)
Dogsdinner: You had a vailent death, Co-Co's brother.
(That night, Dogsdinner is laying next to the tree holding his stomach.)
Dogsdinner: Damn. I'm hungry! I can't live off coconut milk!
(Dogsdinner looks down at his shoe.)
Dogsdinner: MMM.... My shoe looks mighty tasty.
(He lifts his foot up and opens his mouth real wide.)
CHOMP!!!
Dogsdinner: MY FOOT!!!!
(Day 3, May 8th)
(A leaf is gone from the only tree on the island, and is wrapped around Dogsdinner's bleeding foot.)
(He now has a full grown beard.)
Dogsdinner: I think it's time I explore the rest of this island.
(Dogsdinner limps to the one end of the island in 3 steps.)
(The he turns around and limps to the other side in 3 steps.)
Dogsdinner: Okay, that's enough exploring today.
(Day 4, May 9th)
(Dogsdinner is once again leaning next to the tree.)
(His beard is bigger and hairier.)
Dogsdinner: Man! I am hungry! And why is my beard growing so fast?..... I've got to try and fish again.
(But just then, a body of a passenger from the plane floats to the island. Dogsdinner looks at it. Then looks at the sky and says...)
Dogsdinner: Thank you god.
(That night, Dogsdinner cooks the head of the body over a campfire made by the now cut down tree. Dogsdinner filled his stomach that night.)
(Day 5, May 10th)
( A little boy playing on the beach spots Dogsdinner on the island.)
Little Boy: Look, mommy! There's a man on the island!
Mother: My word.
(Back to the present day.)
Dogsdinner: When I came home, Ali said you moved out to a farm, because you thought I was dead.
Lee Lee: Well, I noticed I missed you.
Dogsdinner: So I guess that means you love me!
(Lee Lee takes a long stare at Dogsdinner.)
Lee Lee: Nope. I don't love you.
Dogsdinner: Awww.....
Lee Lee: But I like you as a friend.
Dogsdinner: Awww....
(That night, Dogsdinner is sitting next to a fireplace talking to Ali.)
Dogsdinner: I stayed on that island for 5 days and 6 nights. And all I thought of was..... cheesecake.
Ali: How did you live on without cheesecake?
Dogsdinner: I tired! Tried for 5 days. I had no control on that island. I couldn't even pick the desinger ware I wanted.
Ali: Horrible.
Dogsdinner: But I found one strength on that island. By thinking of poop.
Ali: Poop?
Dogsdinner: Yes! Waiting to go to the bathroom was what I thought of! And once I got off that godforsaken island, I pooped like hell!
Ali: I'm sure you did.
Dogsdinner: (beginging to cry) Co-Co....
Ali: Co-Co?
Dogsdinner: CO-CO!!!!!!!
(Then Dogsdinner breaks down and cries, in hopes of getting an oscor.)
T H E E N D!
(FOR NOW!)
Co-Co and his brother are a trademark production of JackHole productions