JackG2
14-06-2001, 17:07
MESSED-UP HAND
JACKG2
(A house on a dark night. A normal house. Home to Mr. Harold Stevens and Mrs. Marriam Stevens.)
(They are laying in there bed, talking. Admit it, you thought I was going to say they were doing the :naughty
Harold: Well, the Halloween decorations are up now.
Marriam: But, Harold.... It's June.
Harold: Shut up, Marriam.
(Harold goes to turn off the light.)
Harold: Good night, bitch.
(Marriam hits him in the nose just as he turns out the light.)
(But as soon as he does, they both look at the celing to see in glowing letters: I'M UNDER THE CHEESECAKE!)
Harold: Holy poo!
(Just then, a hand pops up from under the bed and grabs Harold's head. The hand crushes it to a bloody pulp, with brains splattering everywhere, even on Marriam's face, who is screaming her lungs out.)
(The owner of the hand comes out from under the bed and stares at Marriam straight in the face. Marriam doesn't reconize the person.)
(The person grabs he/she's bloody hand and goes for Marriam's head.)
Marriam: NO! NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! YOU CAN HAVE THE CHEESECAKE!!!
(SPLAT!)
(The next day, in a apartment, Champ wakes up starlted.)
Champ: AGGGG!!! I'm awake!
(Champ holds his stomach, which hurts.)
Champ: I got to lay off the cheesecake.
(Downstairs, Pixie Pete is watching TV.)
TV: Today in the news, 2 people were found dead in there home, with there heads crushed....
(Pixie changes the channel.)
TV: It's time for Teli-Tubbies!
Pixie Pete: That's terrible.
(Champ comes down stairs and is surprised to see Pixie sitting in his TV room.)
Champ: Pixie? What are you doing here?
Pixie Pete: I got locked out of my apartment, and it was late and cold out and I was scared, so I broke your window and came in your apartment and ate all your pot-noodles and watched late night poker on TV all night long.
Champ: You ate all my pot-noodles?
Pixie Pete: They were old anyway. I had to eat around the mold.
(Champ feels a rage of fury buliding inside of him. He hates Pixie for eating his pot-noodles.)
(All of the sudden, Champ's right hand flings up without him even having his brain process the abilty to move it.)
Champ: What the?! My hand!!!
(Pixie, who has his full attention on the TV, says...)
Pixie Pete: You should go to the store, today, and pick up more food for me. Oh! And beer. Lots of beer!
(All the sudden, Champ's hand grabs the remote from Pixie. Pixie looks up in anger.)
Pixie Pete: Hey!
(Without thinking it, Champ's hand crams the remote into Pixie's head.)
Pixie Pete: Ow.... I hope you pay for the doctor's bill....
(Pixie falls to the ground with his eyes closed and the remote protruding out of his head.)
(Champ looks back in shock at the horror he's done. And then he looks at his hand.)
Champ: What's wrong with my hand?! There is only one most likely person that can answer this question!....GLITTER2K!
(An hour later, Champ is being hung by his hand in some sort of a dungeon under Gillter2k's house.)
Champ: When did you get all this stuff?
(Champ looks at the leather whips and other equipment around the basement.)
Giltter2k: Oh, this stuff? Just things.... heh...
Champ.......K......., so what's wrong with my hand?
(Giltter2k, who is an expert in the occult, studys the hand, which is now protruding strange purple vains.)
Giltter2k: There is only one way to explain it. You are slowly being possesed by a demon. And from the looks of it, it started with your arm and it's solwly consuming you untill it posseses you whole.
Champ: So how do I get this thing out of me?
(Pixie, who wasn't really dead [and still has the remote sticking out of his head], says...)
Pixie Pete: Yeah, before he kills me again.
Glitter2k: Your lucky your still alive, Pete. But the only way I can think of to stop this demon, is to chop off your hand, Champ.
Champ: CHOP OFF MY HAND?! I don't like the sound of that!
Glitter2k: Don't worry, Champ. This will only hurt for a second.
(Glitter2k takes out a big axe that's bigger then her, and too heavy for her.)
Glitter2k: Ready?!!
(Champ turns his head away, and closes his eyes shut.)
Champ: Ready!
(But before Glitter2k can swing, Champ's hand breaks out of the chain that's holding it back and grabs the axe from Glitter2k.)
(The hand swings the axe and chops Glitter2k in half. Her guts spewing everywhere.)
(The hand drops the axe and then makes Champ fall to the ground. The hand crawls out the door, carrying Champ with it.)
(Pixie just stares ahead.)
Pixie Pete: A good bowl of pot-noodles would hit the spot right now.
(Just then, Darkmoon busts out the closet door, with a freaky leather suit on.)
Darkmoon: Glitter!!! I'm ready to "play" now!
(Darkmoon looks down and sees the now dead Glitter2k.)
Darkmoon: Aw, damnit. I was going to (censored!).
Pixie Pete: Come on, noobie! We have to stop Champ's hand from killing everyone. And then were going to a strip joint!
Darkmoon: Why don't we just go to the stripjoint?
Pixie Pete: Yes.... we should..... the world can save itself! Quickly! To the pixie moble!! (as Dogsdinner discribed it)
(Pixie and his new trusty sidekick go outside and jump on a very small, and old, skooter.)
Pixie Pete: Sorry... the pixie moble is in the shop.
(They ride off. Darkmoon clinching on to Pixie in his skimpy leather suit.)
(Later, down the street, Champ, who is holding his bad hand, runs across LeeLee.)
LeeLee: Hi, Champ. What are you doing with your hand?
Champ: LeeLee! Run! This hand wants to kill you! So run now!
LeeLee: Uh-huh. Yeah, sure.
(The hand grabs LeeLee by the arm and picks her up and flings her across to a sharp pole on a roof. LeeLee is impaled on the pole. Blood triwnliling from her mouth.)
Champ: DAMNIT!! STOP KILLING MY FRIENDS YOU *******!!!
(That does no good. The hand drags Champ off to somewhere else.)
Champ: Now where are you takeing me?!
(Pixie and Darkmoon drive by in the skooter and see the entire death of LeeLee. They see Champ and they follow him.)
Darkmoon: You think we could get a freebie if we save the world?
Pixie Pete: Pray to God that we do!
(They take a right down the street, following Champ.)
(Soon, Champ's hand brings him to a high school dance that is going on.)
Champ: No! Not the school! Those inncoent children will be killed!
(While saying that, Champ sees the students smokeing pot, having sex in cars, and doing stuff that aren't to be said in this forum.)
Champ: Okay.... maube not "innocent".
(Champ busts through the gym doors where the dance is takeing place.)
(Benji sees him and walks up to him.)
Benji: Hey, Champ! See I told you! After being a judge, I became a principal at this school!
(Champ's hand drives itself into the face of Benji, causing it to go right through Benji's head.)
Champ: Sorry.
(In a mumbled reply...)
Benji: S'kay....
(The hand takes itself from Benji's face. Doing so, causes Benji's face to cave in, and he falls down dead.)
(Champ looks down at his hand)
Champ: Your a bad hand! A very bad hand!
(Just then, JackG2 walks up to Champ.)
JackG2: Hey, Champ!
(Champ's hand bashes into Jack's chest and takes out his heart.)
Champ: (holding the bloody heart) Opps.
JackG2: Dude..... I like, needed that or something....
(Jack falls down dead.)
(Champ looks down at his hand and sees the purple vains are reaching up.)
Champ: Aggg!! The demon is spreading further everytime I kill someone! I'm going to have to chop off my hand!
(Just then, Pixie appears with an axe in his hand.)
Pixie Pete: CHAMP!!!
(Pixie runs up and chops Champ's hand off. Blood flying everwhere.)
Champ: AGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!
(Champ looks down at the place where his hand once was.)
Champ: Owy!
Pixie Pete: It's over now! And you need to buy me food, Champ!
(But just then, the disemobodied hand comes to life and scatters off into the dance.)
Champ: This can't be good. QUICK! GET IT!!!
(Darkmoon stands there looking at Pixie and Champ chase the hand.)
Darkmoon: This is friggin' weird.
Champ: Be carefull with that hand, Pixie. I want to sew it back on!
Pixie Pete: Okay. I'll be careful.
(Pixie swings up the axe carelessly and trys to hit the hand with it.)
Pixie Pete: DIE!!!
(The hand stops running for a moment, stands on end, and extends it's middle finger.)
The hand demon: Screw you butt munch!
Champ: Now listen here, hand. Why don't you come back home to my arm?
The hand demon: Why should I? You never treat me right! Besides! You have a whole other hand to take care of!
Champ: Hmmm... good point! Kill him, Pixie!
(Pixie manages to grab the hand, and he chops it in half. The hand desigrates into tiny dust particals.)
(The next day, Champ is sitting in his TV room, reading a newspaper. His hand is banadaged.)
(Pixie breaks through his new window and walks in and sits down in a chair across from him. Pixie's head is bandaged.)
Pixie Pete: Man, I got lucky. I got to keep all my body parts and you didn't!
Champ: Shut up, Pete. You owe me a new window! Besides, I hope this never happens again!
(But just then, Pixie's hand shoots up in the air on it's own, and grabs the poker for the fireplace.)
Pixie Pete: Agggg!!! My hand!!
(Pixie aims the poker for Champ's forehead.)
Champ: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!
(SPLAT!)
DA END!
JACKG2
(A house on a dark night. A normal house. Home to Mr. Harold Stevens and Mrs. Marriam Stevens.)
(They are laying in there bed, talking. Admit it, you thought I was going to say they were doing the :naughty
Harold: Well, the Halloween decorations are up now.
Marriam: But, Harold.... It's June.
Harold: Shut up, Marriam.
(Harold goes to turn off the light.)
Harold: Good night, bitch.
(Marriam hits him in the nose just as he turns out the light.)
(But as soon as he does, they both look at the celing to see in glowing letters: I'M UNDER THE CHEESECAKE!)
Harold: Holy poo!
(Just then, a hand pops up from under the bed and grabs Harold's head. The hand crushes it to a bloody pulp, with brains splattering everywhere, even on Marriam's face, who is screaming her lungs out.)
(The owner of the hand comes out from under the bed and stares at Marriam straight in the face. Marriam doesn't reconize the person.)
(The person grabs he/she's bloody hand and goes for Marriam's head.)
Marriam: NO! NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! YOU CAN HAVE THE CHEESECAKE!!!
(SPLAT!)
(The next day, in a apartment, Champ wakes up starlted.)
Champ: AGGGG!!! I'm awake!
(Champ holds his stomach, which hurts.)
Champ: I got to lay off the cheesecake.
(Downstairs, Pixie Pete is watching TV.)
TV: Today in the news, 2 people were found dead in there home, with there heads crushed....
(Pixie changes the channel.)
TV: It's time for Teli-Tubbies!
Pixie Pete: That's terrible.
(Champ comes down stairs and is surprised to see Pixie sitting in his TV room.)
Champ: Pixie? What are you doing here?
Pixie Pete: I got locked out of my apartment, and it was late and cold out and I was scared, so I broke your window and came in your apartment and ate all your pot-noodles and watched late night poker on TV all night long.
Champ: You ate all my pot-noodles?
Pixie Pete: They were old anyway. I had to eat around the mold.
(Champ feels a rage of fury buliding inside of him. He hates Pixie for eating his pot-noodles.)
(All of the sudden, Champ's right hand flings up without him even having his brain process the abilty to move it.)
Champ: What the?! My hand!!!
(Pixie, who has his full attention on the TV, says...)
Pixie Pete: You should go to the store, today, and pick up more food for me. Oh! And beer. Lots of beer!
(All the sudden, Champ's hand grabs the remote from Pixie. Pixie looks up in anger.)
Pixie Pete: Hey!
(Without thinking it, Champ's hand crams the remote into Pixie's head.)
Pixie Pete: Ow.... I hope you pay for the doctor's bill....
(Pixie falls to the ground with his eyes closed and the remote protruding out of his head.)
(Champ looks back in shock at the horror he's done. And then he looks at his hand.)
Champ: What's wrong with my hand?! There is only one most likely person that can answer this question!....GLITTER2K!
(An hour later, Champ is being hung by his hand in some sort of a dungeon under Gillter2k's house.)
Champ: When did you get all this stuff?
(Champ looks at the leather whips and other equipment around the basement.)
Giltter2k: Oh, this stuff? Just things.... heh...
Champ.......K......., so what's wrong with my hand?
(Giltter2k, who is an expert in the occult, studys the hand, which is now protruding strange purple vains.)
Giltter2k: There is only one way to explain it. You are slowly being possesed by a demon. And from the looks of it, it started with your arm and it's solwly consuming you untill it posseses you whole.
Champ: So how do I get this thing out of me?
(Pixie, who wasn't really dead [and still has the remote sticking out of his head], says...)
Pixie Pete: Yeah, before he kills me again.
Glitter2k: Your lucky your still alive, Pete. But the only way I can think of to stop this demon, is to chop off your hand, Champ.
Champ: CHOP OFF MY HAND?! I don't like the sound of that!
Glitter2k: Don't worry, Champ. This will only hurt for a second.
(Glitter2k takes out a big axe that's bigger then her, and too heavy for her.)
Glitter2k: Ready?!!
(Champ turns his head away, and closes his eyes shut.)
Champ: Ready!
(But before Glitter2k can swing, Champ's hand breaks out of the chain that's holding it back and grabs the axe from Glitter2k.)
(The hand swings the axe and chops Glitter2k in half. Her guts spewing everywhere.)
(The hand drops the axe and then makes Champ fall to the ground. The hand crawls out the door, carrying Champ with it.)
(Pixie just stares ahead.)
Pixie Pete: A good bowl of pot-noodles would hit the spot right now.
(Just then, Darkmoon busts out the closet door, with a freaky leather suit on.)
Darkmoon: Glitter!!! I'm ready to "play" now!
(Darkmoon looks down and sees the now dead Glitter2k.)
Darkmoon: Aw, damnit. I was going to (censored!).
Pixie Pete: Come on, noobie! We have to stop Champ's hand from killing everyone. And then were going to a strip joint!
Darkmoon: Why don't we just go to the stripjoint?
Pixie Pete: Yes.... we should..... the world can save itself! Quickly! To the pixie moble!! (as Dogsdinner discribed it)
(Pixie and his new trusty sidekick go outside and jump on a very small, and old, skooter.)
Pixie Pete: Sorry... the pixie moble is in the shop.
(They ride off. Darkmoon clinching on to Pixie in his skimpy leather suit.)
(Later, down the street, Champ, who is holding his bad hand, runs across LeeLee.)
LeeLee: Hi, Champ. What are you doing with your hand?
Champ: LeeLee! Run! This hand wants to kill you! So run now!
LeeLee: Uh-huh. Yeah, sure.
(The hand grabs LeeLee by the arm and picks her up and flings her across to a sharp pole on a roof. LeeLee is impaled on the pole. Blood triwnliling from her mouth.)
Champ: DAMNIT!! STOP KILLING MY FRIENDS YOU *******!!!
(That does no good. The hand drags Champ off to somewhere else.)
Champ: Now where are you takeing me?!
(Pixie and Darkmoon drive by in the skooter and see the entire death of LeeLee. They see Champ and they follow him.)
Darkmoon: You think we could get a freebie if we save the world?
Pixie Pete: Pray to God that we do!
(They take a right down the street, following Champ.)
(Soon, Champ's hand brings him to a high school dance that is going on.)
Champ: No! Not the school! Those inncoent children will be killed!
(While saying that, Champ sees the students smokeing pot, having sex in cars, and doing stuff that aren't to be said in this forum.)
Champ: Okay.... maube not "innocent".
(Champ busts through the gym doors where the dance is takeing place.)
(Benji sees him and walks up to him.)
Benji: Hey, Champ! See I told you! After being a judge, I became a principal at this school!
(Champ's hand drives itself into the face of Benji, causing it to go right through Benji's head.)
Champ: Sorry.
(In a mumbled reply...)
Benji: S'kay....
(The hand takes itself from Benji's face. Doing so, causes Benji's face to cave in, and he falls down dead.)
(Champ looks down at his hand)
Champ: Your a bad hand! A very bad hand!
(Just then, JackG2 walks up to Champ.)
JackG2: Hey, Champ!
(Champ's hand bashes into Jack's chest and takes out his heart.)
Champ: (holding the bloody heart) Opps.
JackG2: Dude..... I like, needed that or something....
(Jack falls down dead.)
(Champ looks down at his hand and sees the purple vains are reaching up.)
Champ: Aggg!! The demon is spreading further everytime I kill someone! I'm going to have to chop off my hand!
(Just then, Pixie appears with an axe in his hand.)
Pixie Pete: CHAMP!!!
(Pixie runs up and chops Champ's hand off. Blood flying everwhere.)
Champ: AGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!
(Champ looks down at the place where his hand once was.)
Champ: Owy!
Pixie Pete: It's over now! And you need to buy me food, Champ!
(But just then, the disemobodied hand comes to life and scatters off into the dance.)
Champ: This can't be good. QUICK! GET IT!!!
(Darkmoon stands there looking at Pixie and Champ chase the hand.)
Darkmoon: This is friggin' weird.
Champ: Be carefull with that hand, Pixie. I want to sew it back on!
Pixie Pete: Okay. I'll be careful.
(Pixie swings up the axe carelessly and trys to hit the hand with it.)
Pixie Pete: DIE!!!
(The hand stops running for a moment, stands on end, and extends it's middle finger.)
The hand demon: Screw you butt munch!
Champ: Now listen here, hand. Why don't you come back home to my arm?
The hand demon: Why should I? You never treat me right! Besides! You have a whole other hand to take care of!
Champ: Hmmm... good point! Kill him, Pixie!
(Pixie manages to grab the hand, and he chops it in half. The hand desigrates into tiny dust particals.)
(The next day, Champ is sitting in his TV room, reading a newspaper. His hand is banadaged.)
(Pixie breaks through his new window and walks in and sits down in a chair across from him. Pixie's head is bandaged.)
Pixie Pete: Man, I got lucky. I got to keep all my body parts and you didn't!
Champ: Shut up, Pete. You owe me a new window! Besides, I hope this never happens again!
(But just then, Pixie's hand shoots up in the air on it's own, and grabs the poker for the fireplace.)
Pixie Pete: Agggg!!! My hand!!
(Pixie aims the poker for Champ's forehead.)
Champ: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!
(SPLAT!)
DA END!