THE END - A Play D:

[Pixie Pete]

Okay, this is something that just got my mind working, and I kept writing and writing. I have no idea where it's going yet - but some feedback would be nice :)

So without further adieu, I present:

THE END
A Play in God knows how many parts,
By
Alan Martin.

ACT 1: A Fitting End.

Nighttime in a miscellaneous city. The Curtain is raised to the rooftop of a skyscraper. Down bellow can be heard the faint echoing bass of clubber’s music. A figure (Christian Richmond) emerges from the building’s skylight, probably a fire exit. He takes out a cigarette from a fake silver case and places it between his lips. He fumbles through his trench coat’s pockets for his lighter. His actions become more frustrated until he eventually finds it, lights the cigarette and assesses the scene. After a few moments he turns to the audience and starts slightly.)

(Christian): Well, this is it. The end.
(He chuckles to himself, slightly)
(Christian): Excuse the pretension; I have to add some kind of significance to the ending of my life. Otherwise it all seems…. unworthy really. Life will go on for others and within a short time the uneventful – I wouldn’t call it miserable – or even particularly unfortunate – life of Christian James Richmond Esquire will be over.
(He pauses for dramatic effect and sighs deeply)
(Christian): But hey, you’ve got to laugh. …
I’m sorry. Do you find my slightly unfaltering attitude towards my imminent end unsettling? Well that’s not my problem – I just don’t see it as that big a deal. We all go sooner or later, and the fact that I am able to control when that end for me is good – it implies a certain amount of fulfilment, or even completeness.
(He stops to sharply inhale from his cigarette)
“What’s this?” I hear you whisper, “A rational suicide case! He’s not some nutter.” Yes okay maybe I’m putting words in your mouth – and maybe you’d phrase it more delicately than that should society have told you that it was not ‘pleasant’ to say – but that’s the gist.
So what am I doing here then at…
(He looks at his watch)
One Twenty three AM atop a miscellaneous tall building? Well, killing myself obviously. You seem perturbed by my unashamed direct usage of the word? Yes, people tend to be more reserved when referring to death don’t they. “Passed on,” “with Jesus.” Whatever particular colloquialism you wish to use that is what is going to happen to me. And by my own hand too – or to be more exact by this building and a sharp fall.
(He strolls nonchalantly to the edge of the building upstage and peers over the side)
Woo! It’s a long way down isn’t it? Enough to make one reconsider.
(Pause)
But that is something that I will not do. I am of complete sanity of this moment, and have decided this is the course of action I want to take. Logical? Perhaps not, but then since when has life been lived out with logic for every decision. The whole notion of love, for example – a belief that you have to overrule your mind and follow your heart. Why should death be any different? “Life is sacred and precious – a gift,” they say. Well in this case I wish to return the gift to the shop. It’s not something I want anymore especially. But enough of the moronic metaphor the point is – I feel that ledge is calling me. Hah – a calling – sounds like I believe God will save me, or something. Nonsense. Something I have never been able to believe.
(Pause)
Oh if you think that’s my reason for not caring, I’m afraid you’re wrong. I don’t know what will be on the other side after … this happens. I am not arrogant enough to totally dismiss a world held faith purely on the belief that I know best. Life has proven several times that I do not. Likewise I’ve seen no evidence to suggest that God exists, but dismissing it is certainly not my style. Appealing to a force beyond my power, control and overall faith to save me though? That’s just implausible. And save me from what? I’ve said before that death does not intimidate me. There was a time when it did, but events mean that I feel no fear for it – nor contempt just pure undiluted neutrality.
(He sits down on the ledge at the edge of the building, facing the audience)
In fact, there was a time when I would have considered only weak people that end their lives prematurely. It’s certainly my reasoned belief that humans are largely self-serving. So until there reaches a time when life lacks appeal, beings will always strive to live on.
(He notices his cigarette is finished, stares at it, furrowing his eyebrows before flicking it away towards the audience.)
Filthy habit isn’t it? Or so I’m told anyway – it’s not something I’ve ever found offensive, even before I begun. I started not because I’m the kind of character that needs calming due to stress – I mean, really – what have I to be stressed about – if I don’t fear death there is not that much to be scared of – but because of my image. Tragic that I can be ruled by such trivial issues, I know but there we are. It’ll kill me one day, they say – my poor lungs will never recover. Well, it doesn’t look like it’s going to win the race, does it?
(He laughs hollowly at his own joke)
Forgive my morbid sense of humour – I’m not the type to laugh in the face of death to impress or anything, but up here there is no one else to laugh for me, or compel me not to do it for that matter. Down bellow is a drunken mist as fools spend their hard earned cash on a night they probably wont even remember in a few weeks time, where as I…

…I stand her about to do something truly memorable. “For who?” is the question. We shall see. Hey, maybe I’ll make a newspaper. How tiresome. Have they really nothing better to report about? Clearly not – sensationalist crap. Hence the reason I have not picked up a mainstream rag in months. Not that current affairs matter much to me either. I have no effect on world news – maybe my death will impact on local news, but that’s irrelevant – so I really do not see why I should give the newspaper companies the satisfaction of thinking that world affairs have an bearing on my life at all. Especially not where I’m headed…. wherever that may be. I’m not going to be starting on a philosophical trail at this late point in y life – the outcome is totally irrelevant.

(He stands up and pats the pockets of his trench coat, searching for his cigarette case)

Bloody thing, where the flibbyflobby is it?

(He finds in, sits back down and counts the number left)

Five. That should see me through what little time is left.

(He removes one and lights it)

Oh, I’m going to finish them. Have to get my money’s worth. I’m sure the local corner shop is going to miss my custom

(He laughs)

How tragic – the person who will miss me the most in the whole world will only miss his £4.48 I hand out from my ‘hard earned’ cash. Oh well, in some ways it makes this slightly more pleasant that I will be depriving this individual I’ve just imposed a character on, of my money. How bitter I am…

(He pauses and takes a deep drag of his cigarette)

I suppose it would be customary in my final hours to go and do all the things I’ve ever wanted to – but most those things have been done in one way or another. Not always as I would have intended, but how would I rectify that in an hour or so? No, there shall be no final fling, no belated justice – I’m far too lazy and lack the inclination.
It would be interesting to extract revenge on those who have done me harm of course, but Vigilante Karma has never been a high priority. It’s not really been my place to right wrongs, and it would be quite ionic for me to claim any moral high ground from which to exact revenge upon anyone.

..............................................................

That is all I have at the moment, a work in progress if you will :)

So...feedback please. At the moment, I don't really know where it's going - and I feel it needs a direction, otherwise I get the impression people would think I'm writing about a contraversial subject just to be different - which I'm not - I hjust fins it an interesting creative viewpoint.

Thanks,

[dogsdinner]

Looks very good from what you've put up so far... A kind of gallows humour kind of thing...

Possibly not the most original start in the world, but it's carried off very well. :)

Although this line...

Originally posted by Pixie Pete

Bloody thing, where the flibbyflobby is it?


It kinda ruins the mood a little bit. Maybe you should change it. :P


I think you should definitely develop this more - I'm interested to see why Christian's decided to kill himself, and what other people think about it.

[no_angel]

promising pixie, although i'd agree with dd that sometimes the main guy's language seems a little bit out of character. It would be nice to see the impetous behind his suicide, perhaps in flashback form?

[Pixie Pete]

That's my plan, though I don't know what the impetus is yet.

How do you mean out of character? :confused:

[no_angel]

well, he's fairly well spoken usually, so words like flibblyflobbly and crap seem out of character, and detract from his overall style. It seemed to me you were trying to make him fairly suave and debonair. Suave and debonair people don't use language like that, and i should know ;)

[Pixie Pete]

Actually his mannerisms and language was largely based on me. The "Flbbedy-flobby" was used to show his short temper with trivial things and - well, maybe crap is changeable. :)

[Mori]

As I said on IRC, this shows promise. There's a lot of your style of writing in there, I could've told it was by you even if you hadn't signed it.

BUT... it's too rambling to work as a theatre monologue. If you're writing a play that's actually to be performed, you'd need to find some way of pruning this down to a few essentials, using only what sets the scene, and maintaining his overall character projection without him seeming overly pompous and self-absorbed.

Does that sound bad? Sorry - it's a very good piece in its own right, and would certainly take well to development. It's too long to keep the interest of an audience though.

[Pixie Pete]

The rambling nature I can understand. As I said, I have no idea where I'm going with it, and was largely writing things down as I thought of them.

As for the over pompous nature - that was intentional. As I said, his mannerisms were based on me. :wink:

[[B-A]Silent.Partner]

My advice; rewrite for 2 persons instead of 1. Monologue, as others have commented, can get too ponderous and tiresome after a while. Stuff in a second person, also a suicider who, of all places, decided to pick the exact same skyscraper to jump off of. That way you have way more options. Split the pompousness over 2 characters, or use the one to comment on the other and thus loosen the atmosphere, or otherwise keep the main monologue of your starting character, but let the other one interrupt him continually. The other guy brings booze instead of cigarettes, and thus has to take a leak once every while, which should leave the main character time to continue his monologue whilst still have the dialogue interaction later on. Also, you can have audience/reality jokes. Consider; one suicidal guy getting on a roof to jump, and finding another suicidal guy there talking into nowhere; who's he talking to? An imaginary audience? Is he schizophrenic; it's a running joke that would really provide comic relief and a double layer, seeing as how the main character would be talking to an imaginary audience, with the undercurrent of the real audience. Just a few thoughts, anyway; do with it what you will.

[dogsdinner]

I think that's a great idea. :E

Use it.

Or DIE.

[Pixie Pete]

Nice ideas, actually :)

It's funny you should mention a second character, because I have actually been continuing writing this a bit, and I added his past self. I know that sounds odd - but I have a way of making it work. Basically he sees his past self, who also wished to comit suicide a whole 15 years earlier. The point being so there is contrast with how he used to be and his current state.

It sounds a crap idea as I type it, but trust me, I have a lot planned - and ideas of how to make it work succesfully :E

Cheers for the advice though, I may use some/all of it with your permission :wink:

[Slam]

Where's the car chase? the sex scene? the gun fight?

tsk! ;(

Nah seriously, I think it's a tasty little number, kinda like an Alan Bennett (random name spelling maybe) play only darker and grittier. Maybe Alan Bennett meets Chuck Palahniuk :)

The subject is a bit of a sexy one as you're instantly pushing your story along and against the grain of socially acceptable thought. In the first few lines, people will automatically make presumptions, opinions and decisions about the character and you've got the chance to grab a hold of that pre-conception and do the mamba with it... or something :emb:

I'd only suggest that you be careful to tread the fine line between being overly in-yer-face about the subject and doing the "this is the subject and it's a contraversy but hey, I'll soften it because I dont want to offend" type of thing.

It's a bit of a cheek for me to give advice on how you should continue as I'm hardly the worlds best novelist or playwrite, but if I tell you the method I use to write and get past sticking points or the "writers crossroad" maybe you can take it and work what's best with you.

I'll either just type without thinking and then roll over it again and hack and re-write bits, or alternatively I write a kind of skeleton to the story.

Start with the spine - writing the emotional flow to the story:
The character looks for sympathy, this turns to anger as he realises the weakness, the anger turns to remorse... and so on.
Then you build up the first two jumps adding a general synopsis if you will: sympathy -> stems from an earlier reminiscence which the character tries to use to lever sympathy before realising the sourness of his plight... which can then be built upon and so on.

I'd say though, from what you've written, just use the feelings that spurred you to write the play so far and leave the analysis of what you've written until later, otherwise you may lose some of the punch and matter of factness to it all.

Keep it up - wahey! :sailor:

[Pixie Pete]

Cheers Slam, I knew you'd have some useful advice :)

The reason, as I said that it seemed a bit rambley was beause I wasn't sure where I was going. I just wrote and wrote and wrote. I shall probably think where I'm going with it then keep the bits I like and scrap the rest - but I appriciate the vital feedback. And I'll be sure to post ammendments here for your delictation :wink: