View Full Version : Soz
Far away in the tropical waters of the Caribbean, two prawns were swimming around in the sea - one called Justin and the other called Christian.
The prawns were constantly being harassed and threatened by sharks that patrolled the area.
Finally one day Justin said to Christian, "I'm bored and frustrated at being a prawn, I wish I was a shark, then I wouldn't have any worries about being eaten..."
As Justin had his mind firmly on becoming a predator, a mysterious cod appears and says, "Your wish is granted", and lo and behold, Justin turns into a shark.
Horrified, Christian immediately swam away, afraid of being eaten by his old mate.
Time went on (as it invariably does...) and Justin found himself becoming bored and lonely as a shark. All his old mates simply swam away whenever he came close to them.
Justin didn't realise that his new menacing appearance was the cause of his sad plight.
While out swimming alone one day he sees the mysterious cod again and can't believe his luck.
Justin figured that the fish could change him back into a prawn.
He begs the cod to change him back so, lo and behold, he is turned back into a prawn.
With tears of joy in his tiny little eyes, Justin swam back to his friends and bought them all a cocktail.
(The punch line doesn't involve a prawn cocktail - it's much worse).
Looking around the gathering at the reef, he searched for his old pal.
"Where's Christian?" he asked.
"He's at home, distraught that his best friend changed sides to the enemy and became a shark", came the reply.
Eager to put things right again and end the mutual pain and torture, he set off to Christian's house.
As he opened the coral gate, the memories came flooding back.
He banged on the door and shouted, "It's me, Justin, your old friend, come out and see me again."
Christian replied "No way man, you'll eat me. You're a shark, the enemy and I'll not be tricked."
Justin cried back "No, I'm not. That was the old me. I've changed."...
Wait for it............!!!!!!!!!
"I've found Cod. I'm a prawn again Christian!"
:dead:
....
please reassure me that you didnt make that joke up yourself
[COMIX]VaMpIrE
16-07-2003, 18:47
umm.... i say ban his account
I wish there was some was of Slaping him..
As there isn't i'll just hurl the worst verbal abuse i can muster following that joke..
"YOU.....D..D"
You've sapped my will to live on dude :(
http://ban.him.plskthx.org
Originally posted by [COMIX]VaMpIrE
umm.... i say ban his account
Is that really enough though?
/me gets out the trusty old stab-through-the-monitor device.
Ol' Betty hasn't been used in a while, but she's got a few maimings left in her yet and this is a special occasion!
On the topic of bad jokes though:
I NOT COME WORK TODAY
Hung Chow calls in to work and says, "Hey, boss I not come work today, I weally sick, I got headache, stomach ache and my legs hurt. I not come to work."
The boss says, "You know Hung Chow, I weally need you today. When I feel like this I go to my wife and tell her give me sex. That make everything better, and I go work. You try that."
Two hours later Hung Chow calls again: "Boss, I do what you say and I feel great. I be at work soon.
You got nice house."
Blatently stolen from another site, which shall remain nameless to protect the innocent. Direct all abuse to VaMpIrE, thanks!
I thought the first one was bad, that's just awful.
Two cows are enjoying an especially green bit of grass on spring afternoon. Cow numero one says to cow numero two; "Say, you scared of this BSE milarky that is going round", and cow numero two responds placidily.
"No, why should I? I'm a tractor."
ParaSitius
17-07-2003, 01:20
Carry on at this rate and the whole forum will have to be closed.
communal toilet
17-07-2003, 08:59
rofl :D
thats fantastic!
well done slam :)
[COMIX]VaMpIrE
17-07-2003, 09:37
o..k... next one gets a kicking!!
There are two Mexicans who have been lost in the desert for weeks and they're at death's door.
As they stumble on, hoping for salvation in the form of an oasis or something similar, they suddenly spy, through the heat haze, a tree off in the distance.
As they get closer, they can see that the tree is draped with rasher upon rasher of bacon.
There's smoked bacon, crispy bacon, life-giving juicy nearly-raw bacon, all sorts.
"Hey, Pepe" says the first Mexican "ees a bacon tree!!! We're saved!!!"
"You're right, amigo!" says Pepe.
So Pepe goes on ahead and runs up to the tree salivating at the prospect of food.
As he gets to within five feet of the tree, there's the sound of machine gun fire and he is shot down in a hail of bullets.
His friend quickly drops down on the sand and calls across to the dying Pepe.
"Pepe!! Pepe!! Que pasa hombre?"
With his dying breath Pepe calls out....
"Ugh, run, amigo, run, ees not a Bacon Tree, ees a ham bush".
I think capital punishment should be re-introduced tbh...
communal toilet
17-07-2003, 10:46
roflmfao
:D
comedy genius.
[COMIX]VaMpIrE
17-07-2003, 10:54
www.realyrealyrealycrapjokes.com ??
Pixie Pete
17-07-2003, 12:06
I'd heard the first one years and years ago. Long before I was on the internet. :)
As for my contribution, I get the feeling I may have read it on this very forum, so I could be stealing it of someone. Ah well. Onward:
There's this chap called Terry. And he's very fond of tractors. Especielly blue ones. So upon hearing the news that there's a tractor fair in town, he sets off very excitedly, eager at the prospect of seeing a blue tractor.
He arrives at the fair, and no sooner does he arrive, he comes across a blue tractor. After cleaning it off, he climbs inside it and sits there in the drivers seat making engine noises and generally having a good time.
Before long the owner wanders over and tells him that he can't sit there.
"Oh come on! I really love blue tractors!"
"Sorry," replied the owner "look but don't touch."
Terry is a tad annoyed at this and immediately loss all respect for blue tractors. His new favourite is yellow tractors.
So no sooner has he switched his alligiences then he spots a yellow tractor. He whoops for joy and jumps into the driver seat and resumes his "play."
The same thing happens. The owner isn't happy about him playing in his tractor and orders him out.
Terry is at the very end of his tether now and as a final straw switches alligiences to red tractors.
No sooner has he changed his mind again, then he sees the best red tractor he's ever seen in his life. Shiny chrome, new wheels, personalised number plate - the works.
He jumps up into the drivers seat, and starts steering making engine noises in the way a small child might.
Once again, the owner wanders over and asks him politely to remove himself from the tractor. "Look but don't touch."
Terry, by this point has had enough. He leaps out the tractor, storms off screaming "FINE, I DON'T LIKE TRACTORS ANYMORE!"
On his way home he sees smoke pouring out of a building. He drives off towards the direction of this worried for the lives of those within the smoking building.
As he gets closer it becomes apparant that the building is on fire. He rushes in, takes a huge breath, sucking all of the smoke in the building into his lungs, and runs out again, exhaling it all to safety.
The occupants of the building look on in amazement.
"How the hell did you manage that?"
...
...
...
...
"Easy," replied Terry.
...
...
...
"I'm an ex-tractor fan!"
:dead:
communal toilet
17-07-2003, 13:24
roflmfao
/me sides split open
:D
another classic :)
Comedy Store here we come.....! :E
Originally posted by EZTiger
Comedy Store here we come.....! :E
Yeah! ...we have a few returns to make.
ChaosDragon
17-07-2003, 19:26
:O
:|
....
:laugh:
These are terrible.....
Got any more? :cheese:
ChaosDragon
17-07-2003, 19:31
:O
:|
....
:laugh:
These are terrible.....
Got any more? :cheese:
One day, Pixie_Pete dies and goes up to heaven, where he meets god. God takes him on a tour of heaven, and Pixie Pete is enjoying it so much, and asking lots and lots of questions.
Heaven has lots and lots of special rooms, and as they went through each one, Pixie Pete would ask God what the things on the walls of the room were for.
After several hours of walking, they came across a room filled with lots and lots of clocks, each clock having a name under it. Pixie_Pete asked God: "God, what are all the clocks for?"
God replied: "Pixie_Pete, these clocks show how long someone has left before they die."
Just then, Pixie_Pete noticed that every so often a clock would spin forward 15 minutes.
He asked God: "God, why do the clocks spin forward every so often?"
God replied: "Ah. Well, every time someone masturbates, they lose 15 minutes of their life."
So Pixie_Pete is intrigued by this, and in his first few months in heaven looks around the room trying to find all the clocks of all his friends. He finds every single one, except communal_toilets'. So Pixie_Pete goes to god and asks:
"God, why can't i find communal_toilets clock?"
God replies:
...
...
...
...
wait for it..
...
...
"Ah, well, thats special. Thats in the office; we use it as a desk fan."
communal toilet
18-07-2003, 08:45
roflmfao
Thas... a true story :(
Blood_God
19-07-2003, 16:31
/me is ashamed to admit he laughed at that... although it was at the crapness
-=Aurielle=-
20-07-2003, 07:36
Beibg the conpletlyy harmmerd persno I amm, I found thsoe hliareus!!!!11 :DD
Powered by vBulletin™ Version 4.0.2 Copyright © 2013 vBulletin Solutions, Inc. All rights reserved.