Kick Arse
29-12-1998, 17:12
This is for those of you who get so bored at work you come
and surf these boards.
Office work dull?...None of your colleagues appreciate your
humour?...
Play this cool game and...........................................
amuse yourself. Points are awarded on a degree of difficulty
basis. You can award yourself extra points for creative execution.
_________________________________________________________________ _
ONE-POINT GAGS
_________________________________________________________________ _
Run one lap around the office at top speed
_________________________________________________________________ _
Groan out loud in the bathroom cubicle (at least one other
'no-player' must be in the bathroom at the time)
_________________________________________________________________ _
Ignore the first five people who say 'good morning' to you
_________________________________________________________________ _
Phone someone in the office you barely know, leave your name and
say "Just called to say I can't talk right now. Bye"
_________________________________________________________________ _
To signal the end of a conversation, clamp your hands over your
ears and grimace.
_________________________________________________________________ _
When someone hands you a piece of paper, finger it, and whisper
huskily, "Mmmmmmm, that feels soooooo good!"
_________________________________________________________________ _
Leave your zipper open for one hour. If anyone points it out, say,
"Sorry, I really prefer it this way"
_________________________________________________________________ _
Walk sideways to the photcopier.
_________________________________________________________________ _
While riding an elevator, gasp dramatically every time the doors
open.
_________________________________________________________________ _
THREE-POINT GAGS
_________________________________________________________________ _
Say to your boss, "I like your style" and shoot her with
double-barrelled fingers
_________________________________________________________________ _
Babble incoherently at a fellow employee then ask "Did you get all
that, I don't want to have to repeat it"
_________________________________________________________________ _
Page yourself over the intercom (do not disguise your voice)
_________________________________________________________________ _
Kneel in front of the water cooler and drink directly from the
nozzle (there must be a 'non-player' within sight).
_________________________________________________________________ _
Shout random numbers while someone is counting.
_________________________________________________________________ _
FIVE POINT GAGS
_________________________________________________________________ _
At the end of a meeting, suggest that, for once, it would be nice
to conclude with the singing of the national anthem (extra points
if you actually launch into it yourself).
_________________________________________________________________ _
Walk into a very busy person's office and while they watch you
with growing irritation, turn the light switch on/off 10 times.
_________________________________________________________________ _
For an hour, refer to everyone you speak to as 'Bob'.
_________________________________________________________________ _
Announce to everyone in a meeting that you "really have to go do
number two".
_________________________________________________________________ _
After every sentence, say 'mon' in a really bad Jamacian accent.
_________________________________________________________________ _
As in, "the report's on your desk, mon". Keep this up for one
hour.
_________________________________________________________________ _
While an office mate is out, move their chair into the elevator.
_________________________________________________________________ _
In a meeting or crowded situation, slap your forehead repeatedly
and mutter, "Shut up, damm it, all of you just shut up!"
_________________________________________________________________ _
At lunchtime, get down on your knees and announce "As God is my
witness, I'll never go hungry again".
_________________________________________________________________ _
In a colleagues diary, write in 10am: "See how I look in tights".
_________________________________________________________________ _
Carry your keyboard over to your colleague and ask "You wanna
trade?"
_________________________________________________________________ _
Repeat the following conversation 10 times to the same person: "Do
you hear that?"
"What?"
"Never mind, it's gone now"
_________________________________________________________________ _
Come to work in army fatigues and when asked why, say, "I can't
talk about it"
_________________________________________________________________ _
Posing as a maitre d', call a colleague and tell him he's won a
lunch for four at a local resturant. Let him go.
_________________________________________________________________ _
Speak with an accent (French, German, Porky Pig, etc) during a
very important conference call.
_________________________________________________________________ _
Find the vacuum and start vacuuming around your desk.
_________________________________________________________________ _
Hang a two-foot long piece of toilet roll from the back of your
pants and act genuinely surprised when someone points it out.
_________________________________________________________________ _
------------------
Cheers,
Kick
and surf these boards.
Office work dull?...None of your colleagues appreciate your
humour?...
Play this cool game and...........................................
amuse yourself. Points are awarded on a degree of difficulty
basis. You can award yourself extra points for creative execution.
_________________________________________________________________ _
ONE-POINT GAGS
_________________________________________________________________ _
Run one lap around the office at top speed
_________________________________________________________________ _
Groan out loud in the bathroom cubicle (at least one other
'no-player' must be in the bathroom at the time)
_________________________________________________________________ _
Ignore the first five people who say 'good morning' to you
_________________________________________________________________ _
Phone someone in the office you barely know, leave your name and
say "Just called to say I can't talk right now. Bye"
_________________________________________________________________ _
To signal the end of a conversation, clamp your hands over your
ears and grimace.
_________________________________________________________________ _
When someone hands you a piece of paper, finger it, and whisper
huskily, "Mmmmmmm, that feels soooooo good!"
_________________________________________________________________ _
Leave your zipper open for one hour. If anyone points it out, say,
"Sorry, I really prefer it this way"
_________________________________________________________________ _
Walk sideways to the photcopier.
_________________________________________________________________ _
While riding an elevator, gasp dramatically every time the doors
open.
_________________________________________________________________ _
THREE-POINT GAGS
_________________________________________________________________ _
Say to your boss, "I like your style" and shoot her with
double-barrelled fingers
_________________________________________________________________ _
Babble incoherently at a fellow employee then ask "Did you get all
that, I don't want to have to repeat it"
_________________________________________________________________ _
Page yourself over the intercom (do not disguise your voice)
_________________________________________________________________ _
Kneel in front of the water cooler and drink directly from the
nozzle (there must be a 'non-player' within sight).
_________________________________________________________________ _
Shout random numbers while someone is counting.
_________________________________________________________________ _
FIVE POINT GAGS
_________________________________________________________________ _
At the end of a meeting, suggest that, for once, it would be nice
to conclude with the singing of the national anthem (extra points
if you actually launch into it yourself).
_________________________________________________________________ _
Walk into a very busy person's office and while they watch you
with growing irritation, turn the light switch on/off 10 times.
_________________________________________________________________ _
For an hour, refer to everyone you speak to as 'Bob'.
_________________________________________________________________ _
Announce to everyone in a meeting that you "really have to go do
number two".
_________________________________________________________________ _
After every sentence, say 'mon' in a really bad Jamacian accent.
_________________________________________________________________ _
As in, "the report's on your desk, mon". Keep this up for one
hour.
_________________________________________________________________ _
While an office mate is out, move their chair into the elevator.
_________________________________________________________________ _
In a meeting or crowded situation, slap your forehead repeatedly
and mutter, "Shut up, damm it, all of you just shut up!"
_________________________________________________________________ _
At lunchtime, get down on your knees and announce "As God is my
witness, I'll never go hungry again".
_________________________________________________________________ _
In a colleagues diary, write in 10am: "See how I look in tights".
_________________________________________________________________ _
Carry your keyboard over to your colleague and ask "You wanna
trade?"
_________________________________________________________________ _
Repeat the following conversation 10 times to the same person: "Do
you hear that?"
"What?"
"Never mind, it's gone now"
_________________________________________________________________ _
Come to work in army fatigues and when asked why, say, "I can't
talk about it"
_________________________________________________________________ _
Posing as a maitre d', call a colleague and tell him he's won a
lunch for four at a local resturant. Let him go.
_________________________________________________________________ _
Speak with an accent (French, German, Porky Pig, etc) during a
very important conference call.
_________________________________________________________________ _
Find the vacuum and start vacuuming around your desk.
_________________________________________________________________ _
Hang a two-foot long piece of toilet roll from the back of your
pants and act genuinely surprised when someone points it out.
_________________________________________________________________ _
------------------
Cheers,
Kick