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Thread: Advantages/Disadvantages of eating/smoking celery

  1. #1
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    I've heard some people smoke it, although I could have been the brunt of a wind up...ahem. I still cannot understand why people eat it though...it has no meaningful taste (slightly acidic), feels like your munching a plastic door strip and it is the food of the devil. It also makes me feel sick just looking at it. Celery is a disgusting thing, it should be outlawed.

    Please discuss. It is important.

    (Did I mention that I hate celery?)

  2. #2
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    i have been lead to understand it takes more energy for your body to process the celery than it gives back, so you lose weight if you eat enuff

    IJ

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    In the interests of research into this important topic, I have just raided the fridge of Mrs Warmwater's tea for tonight, and tried smoking this interesting material.

    Unfortunately, I think Rocky may have been the victim of a wind up, as I can't get the thing to stay alight, and everytime I put it down, it falls out of the ashtray!!

    Bearing in mind that the celery has just come out of the fridge, it may be too cold to smoke (stands to reason, as cold is the opposite of hot). Therefore, I am now going to microwave it for 30 seconds to take the chill of it, and try again...

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    must stock some of that for the squad then.....
    TSQN Nerf Dermer
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  5. #5
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    The new eat as much as you like diet of celery..........

    Hmm eerrrr NO

    Sorry m8 not going to sell hang on a sec who actually buys this stuff? Who grows it? What do they eat? Where did it come from??

    Hmmmm.....................................................

    <ponders off into distance in search for answeres!>

  6. #6
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    celery is summat like 90% water Luke lol ur gonna have to dry it out aswell
    TSQN Nerf Dermer
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  7. #7
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    It would seem you may have something there!

    A 30 second zap in the microwave did change its properties somewhat; its now rather limp and droopy (and looks familiar somehow....?).

    Anyway, it still wouldn't light as a normal ciggy would, so I held it under the flame for a prolonged period of time. This resulted in a lot of fizzy, spitting and bubbling. Some of the hot spitting stuff hit me in the eye, causing me to drop my lighter. Unfortunately, this is a zippo, and it did't go out, but just started burning a small hole in the carpet, until I used the cat to smother the flames. Maybe this would be an experiment better attempted in Muf's back garden...

    Still, I shall persevere. Rather than just 30 seconds in the microwave, I will give it a full 10 minutes, in an effort to dry it out!!

  8. #8
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    I've got a third suggestion as to what you can do with it.

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    What a wonderful idea BlueJam! We could take the celery and an onion to the park and play veggieball!

    we are more than our genre and subculture when we are people first

  10. #10
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    What your supposed to do is leave it in the airing cupboard for a month, letting it dry out, then you can either wrap it in paper and smoke it, or you can chop it up and mix it with baccy in a roll-up

  11. #11
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    the chef says... hes gonna take your little stick of celery, dust it off, turn it sideways and stick right up your candy pipe!
    TSQN Nerf Dermer
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    Everyone will be trying to smoke Cucumbers next, come to think of it..... every damn veggie out there, in fact it could be a remedy for all the anti veggie people out there......




  13. #13
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    Well, some people dont smoke or eat it......

    I've got some family in Gillingham, Kent. They are all avid Gill's fans, and I've been to see them a number of time at Priestfield, their stadium.
    When you go in the place, you get searched by security. Not for bottles, cans, knives, guns, flamethrowers or AWP's and like...but for....CELERY!
    Gill's fans have this mad craze of throwing huge pieces of celery onto the pitch before, during and after the match. If I can remember rightly the chant is...

    "If she dont come, I'll tickle her bum, with a lump of celery.....CELERY, CELERY, IF SHE DONT COME I'LL TICKLE HER BUM WITH A LUMP OF CELERY!"..at which point celery rains down all over the place. MAD!


  14. #14
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    who cares!
    [THORN] MOVING TARGET!
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    If we didn't have celery, how would doctors explain a "greenstick fracture". eh? If you've never had one then ignore that comment. Or possibly just ignore it anyway - that way we'll all be safer.

    Yes, I AM a fool

  16. #16
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    Hows the drying of the green stick?
    TSQN Nerf Dermer
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  17. #17
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    lol thats quite funny Assasin


  18. #18
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    Originally posted by Nerfie
    Hows the drying of the green stick?
    Mixed results there.

    I gave it an extra 20 mins in the microwave, and did get a completely dry piece of celery. The green shrivelled mass did need peeling from the plate (after it was cool, had to wait 5 minutes for that).

    It did light, but was extremely floppy, and just hung straight down. However, I sucked and sucked on the end of it, but wasn't able to inhale anything. In the end, the ash at the tip fell off in a large lump, and a burning bit of it left yet another hole in Mrs Warmwater's carpet. Fortunately, the cat is a bit slow on the uptake, and was still hanging around, so I had the means at hand to undertake a damage limitation exercise again.

    Interestingly, the celery's new found floppy properties did mean that I could coil it into an ashtray, so I am making progress!!

    I've temporarily suspended my work, as Mrs Warmwater is slightly miffed (currently packing my bags for me) about the lack of tea and the holes in the carpet that the cat refused to sit on to help me hide them. I did suggest colouring the remains of the celery with ash from the ashtray, and using that to fill in the bare patches in the carpet, but I don't think she heard me...

  19. #19
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    Whats the point in banning it? people will always find a way of getting their hands on/lips round it. if u look back thru history u will find countless examples of this, all that criminalisation does is line the pockets of the evil criminal gangs responsible for the production and distribution of it. It should be licensed, regulated and possibly sold in government celery shops taking an example from the forward thinking indian govt who very sensibly purvey quality cabbage in small unpublicised outlets in the Eastern Bihar state of this great nation whilst condemning its production and use to the rest of the world. As to Rocky disliking it, well he has yet to try my celery vodka torte. A recipe for this is available on my website @
    http://www.spacecakes.homestead.com

  20. #20
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    Celery tastes hmm, mkay. suppose.

    http://forums.gameplay.com/showthrea...0&pagenumber=4

  21. #21
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    But dont foget the other fine properties of celery - it can actualy be span into long and strong thread that can be used for weaving and needlcraft, all a very 'green' source for the textile industry. After some experimentation ive also found that the high water content in the celery makes it very easy to pound into a pulp and can be used to make a form of paper!

    All we need now is some gum arabic and we have a totaly natural form of rolling papers for Lukes dried out Celery.



    Go green have sex with a frog!

  22. #22
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    Anyone who eats celery should be removed from society. You're sick people.

  23. #23
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    There is also a worrying trend about people starting on celery as a recreational snack and later turning to hard vegetables such as Swede and Parsnips!

    According to government investigations it is down to hardcore greengrocer gangs pushing these vegetables on the unsuspecting public. One line of Argument is to de-vegetise Celery and sell it in normal shops therefore breaking the link between celery and the greengrocers.



  24. #24
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    This is a disgrace. Some people have now stretched to putting up misleading websites purporting that cel**y has medicinal qualities.

    These people are worse than hackers.....

    http://www.chatlink.com/~herbseed/celery.htm

  25. #25
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    Tips to help you Stop Smoking

    Do not carry cigarettes.

    Quit smoking one day at a time. Do not concern yourself with next year, next month, next week or even tomorrow.

    Concentrate on not smoking from the time you wake up until you go to sleep.

    Do not dwell on the idea that you are depriving yourself of a cigarette.

    Be proud that you are not smoking.

    Make a list of all the reasons you want to quit smoking. Keep this list with you, preferably where you used to carry your cigarettes. When you find yourself reaching for a cigarette, take out your list and read it.

    Drink plenty of fruit juice the first three days. It will help flush nicotine out of your system.

    To help avoid weight gain, eat vegetables and fruit instead of candies and pastries. Celery and carrots can be used safely as short-term substitutes for cigarettes.
    Taken from http://www.4cnrs-stop-smoking.com/st...king-tips.html

    I rest my case.......you must be doing it wrong Luke.






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