How to cheer up your day

[Custodian]

Simple steps to maintaining your insanity level:

1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing cars. See If They Slow Down.

2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.

3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, Ask If They want Fries with that.

4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label It "In."

5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone Has Gotten over their Caffeine Addictions, Switch To Espresso.

6. In The Memo Field Of All Your Cheques, Write "For chemical weapons"

7. Finish All Your sentences with "In Accordance With The Prophecy."

8. Don't use any punctuation

9. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.

10. Ask People What they are thinking. Laugh Hysterically After They Answer.

11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "To Go."

12. Sing Along At The Opera.

13. Go To A Poetry Recital And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme

14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area And Play Tropical Sounds All Day.

15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You're Not In The Mood.

16. Have Your Co-workers Address You By Your Wrestling Name, Rock Hard.

17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream "I Won!, I Won!"

18. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking Lot, Yelling "Run For Your Lives, They're Loose!!"

19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner. "Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go."



(sorry about the capitals, couldn't be asked to edit it)

[Mister666]

More! I demand more!

[jahr-jahr]

o.k this is might cheer u up,
hEE-hEE-hEE!

And Help Me to Remember ...

When I'm having a bad day, and it seems that people are trying to p**s me off, that it takes 42 muscles to frown and only 4 to extend my middle finger and tell them to bite me!

[jahr-jahr]

THINKER


I came here, to s**t and stink
But all i do, is sit and stink.

And here I sit,Broken Hearted
Couldn't s**t, but only Farted

Some come here to sit and think
Some come here to s**t and stink
Often I come here to Scratch my b***s,
And read all the b***s**t on the walls.

Here I lie in stinky vapor,
Becos some Ba****d stole the toilet paper,
Shall I lie, or shall i linger,
Or shall I be forced to use my finger!

[Blood_God]

talking of ****...

what did the constipated mathematician do?
worked it out with a calculator



(a variant on an old joke i know... but can still be amusing if not heard for a while)